It was bound to happen sooner or later, no someone didn’t punch me in the face for being such an ass nor was I accosted by the man for spewing forth my vitriolic call for violence against the government. No, today I totally ate shit while kicking ass on my sweet Razor A5 lux. That’s right I wrecked whilst scooting about on my scooter and boy did that shit hurt.

This is what it was like in my mind...minus the skinny jeans.


Unfortunately what really happened is more close to me careening down a hill trying in vain to slow my out of control scooter which I believe I heard it say that it would feast on my scattered brains and grease its wheels with my marrow or it could have just been the wind, god I hope it was the wind.

Luckily for me there was a nice young asian man who so helpfully stepped in front of me causing my out of control decent to become more of an out of control tumble into the awaiting arms of the cement sidewalk  and scratchy kisses of evil bushes.

The asian man was unhurt well as unhurt as a 150 pound asian guy can be when a 270 pound beast such as my self crashes into him going about ten miles an hour on an over sized children’s toy. In any event I apologized to the fine young man once I was able to gather my scattered wits and errant demonic scooter. I quickly or not so quickly limped over to a bench to survey the damage and all in all I was pretty banged up and only had one strip of road rash worth showing and here it is!

Na! Na! Na! Neosporin!

Let this be a lesson to any grown ass fool who decides to ride a “grown up” scooter…. avoid hills like a motherfucker because they will kill you. Peace out.


~ by AmadeusKong on October 31, 2011.

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